Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
