I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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