have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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