I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
