remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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