So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
