everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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