So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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