I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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