You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
