i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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