Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
