her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
third nipple confirmed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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