We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
