He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Text me some of your sweat
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