Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize