Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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