All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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