watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
