epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
