i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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