ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
