discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Floor bacon is actually really good
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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