I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
