Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize