I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
