She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
im on a boat
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