you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize