It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
