Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
