I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
