Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
