so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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