Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
