Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
