im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
