The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
