I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
