im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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