I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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