can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
