I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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