YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Four minutes until I can fart!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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