dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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