i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
