hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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