you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
