I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
