It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
