I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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