is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
