It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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