he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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