Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
