remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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