i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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