I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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