Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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