Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
