I puked a lego.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize