marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
