i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
