Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
