Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
