youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
