I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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