my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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