It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize