I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
