I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
