To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
