She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
