I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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