Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did I show you my penis last night?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize